she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
