i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
