Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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