ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
