you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
