How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize