That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
