Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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