Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
