it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
