He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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