The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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