You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
