ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
