Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
tell me about the fingering
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