I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
