I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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