You really coming over, don't trick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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