Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
nutella sex= disaster
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
