so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
