I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize