I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
