God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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