I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
