her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
