Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
