"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
