You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
