There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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