how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
