My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
