I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
