ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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