Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize