had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
