Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
