Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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