I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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