I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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