i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
