a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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