guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
