who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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