dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
