I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
