To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
