Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So much rum. So many feels.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
