just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
