dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
