I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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