your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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