I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
