I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
