I'm lost and stupid without you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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