My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
