I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
