take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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