i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
