Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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