i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
