I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
