Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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