YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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