It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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