So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
