she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
